Why I hated THE AVENGERS.

The-Avengers-Wallpapers-Movie-Best-HD-1080p-25

Scarlet stands supreme in The Avengers. Nursemaiding rampaging super heroes, punching through every spectacle moment of CGI. The only stable adult with brains before brawn, the Black Widow one ups everyone.

As a grown man i find it a difficult chore to watch films about superheroes, especially when they are steeped deep in frail teenage bicep poses bridled with reckless testosterone. All in a vain attempt to compensate for missing frontal lobe neurons or skipping yet another important leap into any real masculine virtue or strength.Marvel Entertainment, and I use the words with extreme sarcasm, though I realize this is not art but created for the fear of money or the loss of it. The collapse of Hollywood’s money cow that no longer gives milk unless it’s squeezed to death with monkey wrench hands. Forces the pinnacle of overcompensation and teenage loudmouth rantings to shadow Hollywoods underwhelming achievements, sophomoric mental abilities and desperation.

The Avengers is a bad slash and cut, copy and paste montage of all of Jack Kirby’s best creations. Never once did I see the GREAT comic artist KIRBY’S name to be seen anywhere. It’s as though the creator never existed, after inventing almost everything from the Xmen to the Fantastic Four. At least Dc Comics gives Superman’s creators  credit for inventing the character.

On the big screen, Loki is Thor’s half brother. Loki, The God of boring mischief is pulled from the void of the terrible THOR movie, a movie not even Anthony Hopkins could save as ODIN. And Odin is supposed to be ALL POWERFUL.

The point of the Avengers is to create what is discussed in almost every comics book store during the golden days of comics stores. Who can beat up who, who is stronger and which superhero has the best powers and how does anyone muster the energy to care?

In four color process, these fantasies fitted brilliantly into tiny panels on a comic page and gave many a child their first desires to read and Kirby’s high moral standards soared with Gods, Demons and Silver Surfers of virtue.

Yet none of this comes across in the movies, it’s all posturing and comical. Without an artist’s dynamic pencils or endless creative ingenuity, these so called hero’s are hollow papermache stand ins.

avengers-2

There are so many flaws to the script, that I cannot possibly point them all out unless I rewrote the entire script. The useless reaction shots, pitiful dialogue: Captain America demands Stark to “PUT ON THE SUIT, PUT ON THE SUIT” too many times to bear. It’s like the taunting of school yard bullies, the oxymoron is that one of the newest American obsessions is about Bullies in school. Something Steve Rodgers himself was the victim of many times in his early days. The blatant contradictions never end in this hasty script, it made me sick, beyond my superpower ability to endure psychological pain.

Nick Fury played by Sam Jackson is completely out of his zone. He looks great, but being from the school of hard knocks like Downy and playing a cartoon restrained by a movie ratings code shows in every stilted strut.

Thor gets pushed back with an open hand from Downey.Thor, dude. Yawn, just nevermine.Jack Kirby's character invention, Loki. ONly he isn't supposed to be so boring, in The AvengersLoki, who cares.

How many times have we seen the same glass prison? And of the millions of villains The Avengers fought was it really necessary to return to the obvious Loki, backed by hordes of demonic looking aliens? The moment the alien hoard is revealed you know how the third act will kill this movie. I have seen carpet being laid that was less predictable.

Loki faking to be trapped in the same glass prison all bad guys go to.

Cap, sadly is one dimensional, or half a dimension. I usually enjoy Chris Evans as an actor, and he has massive pecs but Cap is missing all that made men great and courageous during WW2. I can see him trying, but on screen he looks childish compared to his performances in other films. And it’s a lost opportunity to really show a great hero out of his time and how his values clash with our modern world. Cap looks bewildered, a tiny bit sad. Maybe because his costume is SO BAD! Someone please have the courage to fix this.

Hawkeye, No! That’s not going to work at all. Hawkeye’s silly and Jeremy Renner constant squinting doesn’t portray the angst the original character had, especially when Don Heck drew him,

avengers_featured

Hulk, the 3D version never looked so sublime. He says the least but we look forward to revelations of his character because after so many failures in his various other iterations, it’s obvious a mute Hulk isn’t going to make it in this era. Every grunt is a herald hymn.

Mark Ruffalo lays down a good foundation as Banner, though it feels a bit soft to me. I think it’s his intention to play off the brutality of the Hulk. I can imagine Marvel wringing it’s hands at the potential money cow squirting again. With Mark behind the helm of Banner there is hope to break the comic pages wall into some sense of humanity. Mark could be the Downey Jr. of the Hulk. I can hear the ink drying on Hulk movie contracts already.

scarlett johansson black widow hot hot hot, beautiful in The Avengers

Black Widow, now she is something you can sink your teeth into. Scarlett Johansson has all the best scenes, the best motivations and comes out on top, looking great and intelligent. I was shocked at the writing of her sequences, they were semi intelligent, interesting and had real guile. When was the last time you saw that in a comic movie character? They should make a Black Widow movie if they really want to make some money! And I know they want big money, so a Black Widow movie is coming! Strangely it’s still not here?

iron-man-in-the-avengers-2012

Robert Downey Jr. is losing his mind. In the first Ironman he was fresh and greedy, every line a gem, with delivery sharp as an executioner’s axe, and depth that a submarine couldn’t find. Suddenly he’s half cooked in this role, yes I realize it’s alot of money dropped at his door every morning and I realize the entire Marvel run of success has been on his back!

That’s why he is getting the serious cash to reprise Ironman, because without Downey’s humanity holding up the suit, Ironman is NOTHING, but hollow tech pron. And without this era’s tech ambassidor leading the way, The Avengers is just a bunch of second stringers lost on the subway without tokens or change.

Robert-Downey-Jr-The-Avengers-Iron-Man-3-600x329Downey knows he shouldn’t beat this character to death, but it’s payday and he can always walk away later safe and sound and rest his career for half a decade only to return as the king once again. Something he has done quite a few times already in his life.

To his credit he forced a directorial change and got his friend Black to direct Ironman 3 and as soon as I recover from this Avengers debacle of two hours of torture, I will rent the Bluray of Ironman 3. UPDATE: Viewed IM3, train wreak, sorry. Do not watch it.

So the comic heros beat each other up, they beat up some other guys, they try to rescue the stupid Shield carrier from falling out of the sky again, when it should have just stayed in the water. Wow, that was a mind blowing useless scene. Cap has to pull a red lever while ole Shellhead has to get the rotors spinning? Can someone explain to the suits and ties how each scene has to develop the characters or its out of the script.

showimage.aspxThen fast forward to the finale, lets destroy New York AGAIN. So it can be copied in Man of Steel and let the humungous collateral damage be somehow viewed as a relevant ending not the brain numbing collapse of reason it is, always has been and always will be. From bad old Bond movies to silly Sci fi acton films, more destruction is NOT a climax.

Once more for the record, more guns, weapons and endless killing, doesn’t create drama it destroys the third act, loses the audience and ruins any hope of being relevant. Watch the dramatic ending of THE ROAD for real human drama.

I can’t say I didn’t like The Avengers because I hated it so much. And when you take one of my favorite actors, Robert Downey Jr. and make him look tired and bored, I like it even less.

With so few things of quality left to enjoy, can we really afford more films like the Avengers?

If you must see these movies at least wait for the blurays, unless you’re in Tokoyo bored to death in a multiplex with an artificial wave machine next door.

Here is the cover from John Busema’s version of the Avengers, introducing The Vision. An artificial being created from the dead android body of Toro the original Human Torch. For all you comic lovers out there, some history into the true richness of The Avengers.

avengers6

I can only pray the comic book phase of movies dies much faster than the past eras of cowboy movies or italian mobster films. If Marvel keeps hacking these out, it will be like the scene from Apocalypse Now, their holy cow will be slashed to pieces next to a filthy river turned red from it’s blood.

I can not wait for Avengers 2. How about you?

17 thoughts on “Why I hated THE AVENGERS.

  1. Pingback: UPCOMING: CAPTAIN AMERICA, WINTER SOLDIER | Calm sea raging undertow movie reviews

  2. It was so god awful, I agree with everything you said. But that last line of sarcasm stating that you cannot wait for Avengers 2, absolutely filled me with a laughter that I had not let out in years. God, im still laughing about it as a write this comment.

    Like

      • ahaha, by the way your very fast and reliable in the way that you quickly respond to messages, thats a good thing in people. In todays society where people are so busy they cannot even reply a hello, its quite quaint to have such qualities. Please continue your blog and accurate critique because your opinion is completely relevant and correct in my opinion. Well thats the end of my ranting for tonight

        Like

        • Thank you for the rant, it was throughly enjoyable rants go. I often rant quite often. And I do agree with you on the subject of timely responses lacking in our modern world of lost social ethics. But that’s a rant for another rant.

          Thanks for visiting my blog, and reading my rants on movies.

          Cheers

          Like

  3. Hated it also. REALLY bad movie. Robert Downey Jr. was the ONLY good thing about it. And he was better in ‘Iron Man’. I’m disappointed with Joss Whedon. I love ‘BtVS’ and ‘Angel’, but he truly made an awful mess here. Can’t believe this was the highest-grossing movie of 2012.

    Like

    • Highest grossing is truly unbelievable. Is it a fluke that cardboard comic figures head butting each other and struggling to keep the shield helicarrier aloft then devastating NY could possible make so much money?

      I wonder how this event comments on our culture or on the demographics that still goes to movies.

      Like

  4. Also hated this wreck of a movie that has heros getting over their egos when we just had two movies that delt with exactly that. Iron Man and Thor. Cap was underused, underappreciated and poorly written. Black Widow, although clever, was just as useless as Hawkeye. Thor was Thor and I like the first Thor movie, Hulk was truly the best and Loki was “Boring” as was the entire non-plot of a story. Downey was relied upon to carry the entire story, even though we had three characters in the movie that already had successful movies. Poor writing and direction. A clear miss for Whedon, but like Mugato I feel like I’m on cray pills because everyone loved it. With the way things are playing out in the Marvel movies they’re just going to keep getting worse. Except hopefully Cap 2.

    Like

    • I agree.

      Cap was reduced to a high school mentality. Hopefully Cap 2 looks to bring some pathos to the character.

      Loki, well rather foolish that he constantly reappears in most of Marvels movies considering his incredible banal delivery and predictable traits never really taken any where except another glass see though prison cell.

      If Kirby were designing this, he would have a dozen different types of imprisonments for Loki. Or would have merely executed him.

      Ironman has started to bring on an extremely boring reaction from me. If Marvel continues to use him as the pillar in these films reducing his character to a tin can. I can see Downey jumping ship.

      Wahlberg has stated he wants a run at Tony Stark. Hmmm

      I personally don’t enjoy Whedon’s work though I congratulate him on his successes. Any movie made demands some respect yet with this much money behind you. It also demands more quality, style,and originality from him.

      Like

  5. Looks like my call on The Vision posted above and drawn by John Busema, is a go for the next installment of the Avengers. Originally. The vision was created from the android body of the original Human Torch.

    Rumors are it will be a version of Jarvis, to fit into the Marvel movie world.

    Possible an interesting addition and one of my favorite Avengers characters from the comics.

    Like

  6. avengers was the worst movie ive ever seen. pointless dribble with pointless characters. marvel will burn to the ground and im gonna pee on its grave.

    Like

    • Joss! It’s been a while. Thanks for stopping by. And yes, good observation. AVENGERS was the worst movie you have ever seen. Yes it was pointless.

      But as for Marvel burning to the ground, well they have made so much money from Jack Kirby’s creations. It would take an extremely large fire burn them down and a lot of pee to cover the massive grave.

      But I like where you’re going with the concept.

      Like

  7. you do relize of couse this is for kids right i mean its for all ages but let a movie be a movie you are just nick piking and ask any girl who has seen this movie if they hate loki. He is the fan girl brad pit

    Like

    • If this is a movie for kids, I better leave mine at home, because it’s far too senselessly violent for children. And violence without ramifications is the pinnacle of bad examples of life to show children.
      Bad parenting is not one of my faults.

      Nit Picking is what a review often consists of but in this case it would be nit picking the entire tree from its roots and replanting, the film is truly that bad.

      As for Loki, his teenage girl fan base is not in question. His relevance and redundancy is.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s