Why I really hated ELYSIUM

Elysium-01Does ELYSIUM signal for Damon what Bruce WIllis’s A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD did?

It is so difficult to find a single enjoyable element in the vicious bleeding Sci Fi action mistake, ELYSIUM. I will desperately resort to commenting on the trendy uninspiring iPod design elements though retread, still present a gleaming white future as the hovering life support space station ELYSIUM, home of the rich elite. Ever present in the sky Elysium lords over the rehashed destitute squalor of a resource emptied Earth, recycled from Blomkamp’s District 9.

Rats and tats cover the earth as Eylsium lives high above.ELYSIUM is bad, just outright cruel, made to be forgotten ugly. Matt Damon stars, why he takes on such a role is beyond me. Damon tries fruitlessly to anchor a parade of effects and intellectual squalor. As a white bread weakly earnest character struggling with his vivid childhood memories and his contradictory present. After his hopes have fallen before oppression and his resolve undermined into a slave wage job that leads to a radiation accident so obviously played it’s excruciating to sit through.

Having his arm Bot broken in a verbal exchange while waiting in a perpetual poverty line. Damon finds his childhood lost love at work as a doctor in a shabby clinic, with her dying daughter a hospital curtain away. Who is the father? Is it Damon, not sure, is it Fat Boy? The guy down the street or maybe an advanced Bot. No idea and it’s never hinted at again, how they separated, why or when. But it’s obvious she is going to need a cure and so is Damon.

The entire film is obscenely predictable, the writing is nothing more than plagiarism, the stripping of too many other Sci Fi popcorn failings. You know what Steve Job’s said, “If you don’t cannibalize yourself someone else will” So much of Elysium is recycled District 9, in fact it feels like this storyline could have occurred at the time in District 9 in perhaps different areas.

There is the attempt to engage the viewer with a stream of advanced technology, but it reads like a bad tech appliance magazine. iPod white cell phones behind ears of the elite and Elysium’s medical bays torn from frames of Star Trek or Prometheus are the plot devices De Jour.

These Prometheus iPods can cure everything from cancer to facial demolition, but nothing can cure the cruel wincing pain of such a lurid, recycled script and it’s endless ridiculous violence that bludgeons the viewer into acceptence.

the-elysium-citizenship-initiativeDamon is irradiated on the job after stepping into the Rad Zone and letting the door close when the blocking Bot palette is moved away. Hello?! That is what happens when you move a palette that was blocking the auto door. It closes! And you get irradiated. We all know this, he doesn’t? I would sooner walk onto the freeway wearing asphalt camouflage.

Condemned to die in 5 days by a medical bot who throws Damon a few pills to ease his pain until his inevitable demise. Damon pops the pills and is quickly up to speed desperate to get to a medical iPod on Elysium. A past rebel cohort promises him a trip to Steve Job’s dream satelitte if Damon will help pull off a brain drain from a Elysium corporate carrying a reboot program rigged to reformat Elysium’s central computer in the image of it’s user. Desperate to combat over whelming odds, the rebels drill a stolen exo-skeleton on Damon (used in a thousand comic books) and wreaks havoc on his way to the promised land and a cure in the sky.

Shaved head and radiated to near death, Damon puts on Exo-skeleton and fights for his careerWait a second, the poor can gather exo-skeletons but the medical tech is still a 1980’s malpractice lawsuit . No way they would not be able to scrap together some type of medical tech, perhaps not as superior as an iPod bay but at least a Windows 8 unit. This is scrapbook logic renders concepts from other films, cannibalizing District 9 and filling the loopholes with gore.

We see nothing of ELYSIUM’S elite culture only that they look like IZOD commercials, dressed in clothing from a bad GAP catalog. The budget was all effects, zero clothing design, all ROSS discount store. The ELYSIUM population could be LEGOS with removable heads, we never get close enough to any of them.


Jodi Foster checking her iPod implant, on Elysium, Hello? Is this Steve Jobs?

Except when Jodie Foster makes a surprise appearance as a female General foaming at the ovaries to kill anything flying near her precious ELYSIUM. She engages violent psychotic madmen on Earth to suppress any potential aggression from Earth’s inhabitants.

Copley as Foster’s main henchman is the worst slap in the face of the film. There is nothing to comprehend or enjoy in this blowup character of cliched evil without reason or remorse. Razor thin on a molecular level, just damn ugly, pathetic writing and it’s execution is infantile. It’s literally offensive to write a script at this level in this century.

This grunting hired gun chases Damon through the film and the entire fiasco degenerates impossible low into comical pretense and it made me question the mental acuity of the producers who green lit this debacle.

Elysium's bullets and brawn exo suit battles it's own weight in stupidity.After a hint of promise in the first act building Damon’s inner angst. The second act is a meandering fall into the absurd third act of constant ultra violence only to end in a shamelessly obvious, self sacrifice signaled very early. Damon dies quietly without fanfare, contrary to all the noise the rest of the film forces on exhausted ears. His brain drain initiates a lethal dose of humility when it reboots the Elysium computers from the information stored in his head from the previous brain drain of the Elysium corporate.

Yes the little girl gets cured. That was a given and now all of Earth’s citizens are given citizen status on Elysium, thanks to a rebels addition of one word to Elysium’s reboot.

So Elysium main computer dispatches all the medical iPods to earth to cure all it’s inhabitants. It all happens within moments, and all i can think is why not do this at the beginning of the movie. Does it take too much resources? Were the Bots busy serving ice cream? What was the motive to not help all the Earth by simple dispatching the Bots and iPod medical bays and lean back feeling good.

Wait lets just fill that moral humanistic loophole with more gore. That’s the answer and give it to Mikey he’ll eat anything. Yeah I am NOT that hungry, thanks but no thanks.

Is this the end of Hollywood’s big budget diatribes? Regurgitating the same shameless ugliness, defying logic, humanity and all common sense. Or will this merely fall into the red column waiting for another bad children’s superhero hit to save the company’s annual ledger.

A total humiliation for all involved and will be forever relegated to the basement of film shame. Where the name of the door reads, “Money spent on this should have gone elsewhere, ANYWHERE!”

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